The greatest love of my life and how I lost.
Reflection on myself last couple months I have always loved political conversation. Lot of conversation about politics today. I have always been good about defending my point. It was part of the reason it interfered with or caused my ignoring Gai.
Would spend the evening on Facebook or news instead of seeing her. After she was fed up and pulling away. Our conversation about us and my trying to save it, I did not change my type of conversation. We had a problem. Conversation started but I was using debate and not compassion. I wanted to win. When this started. I was defending what I said. And I did say what I said. I would say well I never said that or this is what I said.
After I relized I was or had lost her. I was devastated. I stopped. My logic was not winning but losing. I had lost. The most important person in my life.
I went back to what she said and reread over and over again. I looked again at the time line. I had been so involved with the conversation about politics. I had let that become more important than her. I had not spent few minutes on politics but several months. She set alone. Hurting
I say this because it is a lesson in life. Sad lesson for me. In the past I would I think not use my debate skills. But my compassion. I would have not ignored the people I love. I thought it was only a few days at a time being away from her but weeks. . I had ignored and took her for granted.
I was so wrapped up with worry about the direction of our country I forgot about my personal life. I lost.
Do not make the same mistake. Life is short. Yes we need to be concerned about country and humanity. But do not lose your humanity to the ones that need you the most. She was hurting and I was not there. I had all the tools to take care of her. To give her peace comfort. Warmth of heart.
I am sorry Gai.
The last eight years have been sad, disappointment but have brought home to me the reality of silence to horror, hate, bigotry, and ignorance of many people. I have read during the holocaust period in Germany and how could so many Christian people stay silent. Now I see it in my own time my life.
I first saw it from a person that I love, a young family member with small children. On Facebook a post about how terrible that President Obama was at a school talking to children saying he was indoctrination them. When I commented how great it was for a president to take his time to talk to young students and what a great example of we should love our country. In response I got from many on this post was, Obama is a niger, you must be a niger lover, profanity I will not use here. That no president has every talked to students! When I pointed out that Bush Jr was talking to students when he was informed about 911. THE WORST PART OF THIS. I WAS THE ONLY ONE CONDEMNING THE POST AND COMMENTS. NOT THEIR PARENTS.
On Facebook I have a friend that is a photographer. That is what we have in common. Admire each other’s work. I have also noticed he is a pastor. What caught my eye was a post he posted from brietbart news. Brietbart is an altright neo nazi media. They are condemn by many as antisemitism. They also pass on or start conspiracy fake news. I was amazed that a Christian pastor would read or use the garbage of hate fear bigotry. He goes on the post as saying he voted for trump but does not agree with some of his views. Then goes on for 2 paragraphs on why he could not vote for Clinton. 95% of his negative reasons were conspiracy. Not actual reasons. His followers and I guess some of his, congregation all condemn me. For replying. He told his congregation that reason he did not respond to me was I was trying to impress them how intelligent I was. As a Christian I love my God’s word. Love your neighbor as yourself to help the poor.
As a Christian we have an obligation to speak up. As an American adult we have the responsibility to be educated and to speak up. Slavery in the USA would never have been abolished, women’s rights, would never been changed if people did not speak up against hate fear ignorance.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” King
As we must account for every idle word, so we must for every idle silence.
The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything ― Albert Einstein